Cosmo: The good news is I named my nickel Phillip.
Timmy: Uh, what's the bad news?
Cosmo: It's a girl nickel.

( Serious good news about jobs, schools, and other neat opportunities )

I don't think I will be applying to UAS for their Master of Teaching program. The deadline is March 17 (I believe). Two and a half weeks from now. I don't think that's enough time to apply, since I'd need to include an impromptu essay... plus, I'd need to send Praxis scores (although that might not be needed for admission). I e-mailed the school asking for more imformation (especially how to do the impromptu), but I haven't heard back.

I decided this when I was somehow awakened at 3 this morning. I don't know why I was awake. I just remember being awake at that time and had trouble sleeping. I was also thinking about how I might not be ready for grad school. I don't feel ready for it... whatever program "it" may be. So... going to grad school doesn't sound too good right now. It's still very open as to what I'll actually end up doing after I graduate.

This will be my last post of the day. Honest. I know three posts in a day is a pain.

Military/Grad school
It seems like the government would rather have me in the military than in grad school. Spending for the war/conflict in Iraq (and Afghanistan) is over $400 billion (as I heard on ABC news tonight)... and will keep going up. Where does the government get this money from? Oh yeah. Education. Particularly the whole student loans thing... which is something I'll probably need to pay for grad school (since I'm kind of an unemployed bum... err... full-time student. *cough*).

Diet
My mom got mad at me tonight after I made it clear I probably won't eat any of the three boxes of ice cream bars she bought at the grocery store (each a different flavor). Why won't I eat them? Each bar contains 70% of the daily value of saturated fat (using the 2,000 cal/day diet). That's a very high number. I'm trying to ween myself off of "junk food," but it's not easy while living at home- with my mom. She likes desserts. We almost always have some kind of dessert in the house- and not healthy alternative desserts, either. The junk food type. This is one reason I'm looking forward to being out on my own. I'll have much more control of my diet. I'll be able to control what food is in the house at any given point in time.

I finally sat down this morning and wrote an incredably rough draft of UAF's statement of purpose letter. It was actually fairly easy. I tried to do the same for UAS and NMSU, but found it much more difficult. The letter to UAF almost came out effortlessly. I'm taking this as a positive sign for UAF. The way I see it, the more I hesitate and have trouble writing a SOP, the less reason I have for going to that school. If I can't come up with a viable career pathway through a school's program and write about it, it might mean that's not quite right for me.

Then again, I have a good idea of where I'd want to go by applying through UAS's M.A.T. program. That's to become a teacher. I guess I'm having trouble finding the words to say that in a way that will sound good in a letter with the idea expanded upon.

Aside from that, I'm also looking at schools for linguistics programs I could get into. UAF has a program in applied linguistics. I don't know if that's what I'd want, however... plus, it might be difficult to apply to the same school for different programs. I've been thinking it might be a good idea to find a school that has a program in Arabic language/culture, since Arabic is highly demanded at the moment.

I'm attempting to finally get started in my applications. I let one deadline slip past me in December, so I won't be applying to the University of Wisconsin Madison. I've started on three other schools- the University of Alaska Fairbanks (UAF), the University of Alaska Southeast (UAS), and New Mexico State University (NMSU). Started?. Yes. Started. I've literally filled out the applications, but of course that's only the beginning. I have to write a statement of purpose (SOP) for each school- why do I want to go to that school, what do I have to offer, why is that school the right choice, etc.

That's going to take some time. I've been reading some tips for writing a SOP, and it makes me wonder if I'm actually even ready to go to grad school. I don't really have any goals or ambitions for the future in mind at the moment. That's... errr... kind of a problem for applying to grad school. I'm sitting here in my room trying to think about what it is I want to do, and... hmm... oh yeah, maybe that's it. My mind's going blank.

I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown now... or hide under a desk for no apparent reason...

I just wanted to make it clear that right now I have no plans on enlisting in the military. Yes, I'm talking with a recruiter and just took the ASVAB to determine what jobs I'm qualified for, but it's only for the purpose of seeing what options are available to me after I graduate.

At the moment, I think I'm thinking much more about grad school or working at the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency (NGA), a non-military intelligence agency that focuses on aerial and satellite imagery for its source of intelligence. I've already applied there... hopefully will hear from them in a few months. If I don't hear back from them, grad school is my next option. I'm going to apply to three schools (I might apply to more, but there are only three at the moment): University of Alaska Fairbanks (for their northern studies program), University of Alaska Southeast (for their education program), and New Mexico State University (for either the applied geography program or education). Finally, if it works out that I don't get accepted or simply cannot afford grad school... and for whatever reason, I haven't found any other job, then the military will be an option.

That's where I'm at currently, anyway... so I won't say I won't end up in the military, but I just think it's fairly unlikely.

I told my mom I was going to meet with an Army recruiter after supper tonight. She wasn't very happy about it. I guess she thinks that I'm going to join the Army and go to Iraq. Of course, I'm just going down to talk with the recruiter and see if the Army has any jobs I'm possibly interested in. I'm not at all very serious about enlisting, but I realize I graduate in May and have no idea what will happen to me afterwards. I figure it's a good idea to keep my options open- know what my options are available, even if some of them aren't really pleasant. At least I'll know they're there just in case things don't turn out how I'd like them.

Tomorrow, I think I'm going to celebrate the new year by fasting during the day and then eating my first meal in the evening. I also hope to spend some serious time in thought and/or meditation, hopefully to help get direction about the future. I don't know about the whole fasting thing, though. I'm not certain what I want to accomplish with that. It doesn't seem like I can really do much cleansing of my body in only day. I suppose it's more about the sacrifice- that even though I can eat, I'm choosing not to for possibly some greater good. I also won't completely fast- I will still drink water. Otherwise, nothing until dinner.

It's odd. When thinking about the future a while ago, I would have thought that it definately would be some place else. Almost anywhere else, actually. I had sights on Alaska, Europe, Australia. Now I'm not so sure about that. I'm thinking I might end up staying here in my city. I guess it just hit me that I'd have to move/ship my stuff (or sell it if that's not possible). If I ship it, that can get very expensive. Whatever I sell I'd have to replace- so I'd be spending money, regardless. I just don't know if I'd be able to cover the cost of a move and school (if I do go to grad school- I haven't actually applied anywhere yet) and the initial cost of getting my own place (in addition to other living expenses). It all seems to add up. Sure, I'd like to go to back to Alaska or see another part of the world, but I'm not sure how possible that really will be.

I had a dream last night where I went to talk to a police officer about becoming a cop. I was asking him questions about it and such... actually, that's about all the dream was about. I think we were playing ping pong while I was inquiring. *ponders* Me? A cop?

Also, I had another dream where my brother gave me a dead fish... or a dying fish. It turned out it was one of many sea monkeys... or just some really tiny specs in the water.

I guess I won't be applying to the University of Wisconsin-Madison (UWM) after all. The deadline is Dec. 1 and I haven't even asked for recommendations yet. I thought about doing it at the beginning of the month, but couldn't make up my mind if I really wanted to apply. I might have asked on professor, but he wanted to see my statement of purpose first. I didn't get around to writing that until this week. I think it's too late now. No UWM for me. Ah well. I didn't feel confident about getting in, anyway (which is why I was so hesitent to even apply).

Over Thanksgiving break, I'm going to work on applications for the University of Alaska- both Fairbanks (UAF) and Southeast (UAS), in Juneau.
( Linguistics for grad schooL? Dissertations not so tough? )

I'm not tremendously confident in finding a job- especially a job I'd like. Even though I'm not sure what type of job I'm looking for, I'm sure if I found a job I might actually get, I'd end up being too picky or overevaluate the situation. Grad school is something I'm sure I could get into... at lesat someplace. I don't think UAF or UAS are difficult schools to get into. I know at the undergrad levels, they're pretty accepting. At the grad level, however, things are likely different.

If those two options don't work out, I'm considering the Peace Corps. I'd basically be volunteering overseas in a developing country- either for environmental causes/planning (including establishing national parks), teaching English (or other educational oportunities), and so forth. I think it could potentially be a lot of fun. I'd get to do some travelling- and really live life in a different manner. I'd be a bit nervous, however... it seems like a very big step to take, especially since I've lived at home most of my life. I'm slowly learning how to cook, but that's under conditions of an urban American lifestyle with microwaves and such. I'm not sure how accessible such luxaries will be in certain parts I might be working in.

If things really go bad, there's always the military. Although if I did this, I think I'd prefer going in as a chaplain. Of course, to do that I'd have to go to graduate school to get a master's in theology most likely. Hmm... maybe I can just go in for intelligence? Eh. I don't think I'd like the military. It's only a last resort option. Very last resort...

With the military thing aside, I have thought about getting a master's in theology. I didn't give it nearly as much thought as going into education or northern studies... but it is an option. I certainly have my own world view... and love learning about others.

Today I talked with someone at Placement & Career Services to help with finding a job after I graduate. They were moderately helpful. I was basically loaded down with websites to look up... and told I should plan on networking. They really emphasize this. I dislike the idea of networking. I'd rather not deal with it. I can talk with people, yes. One problem is that I don't have a lot to say to a lot of people. It does become hard for me to network in this aspect... I only have a select few questions and will typically just ask those, instead of others- which an employer or future connection might be looking for. I just say/ask limited things, I suppose. It makes way for many awkward pauses. To quote George Castanza, "I'm all awkward pauses."

After that, I talked with one of my geography professors about applying to grad school. That seemed to help me... although there is, once again, emphasis on networking and talking with professors... bleh. It's harder to avoid interaction than you'd think with all this networking going on.

Despite that, this conversation helped establish some things I should do to contact faculty at various universities. I should start by sending an e-mail with my background and interests- let them know who I want. This will allow them to determine if I might be a "fit" at their university/program in terms of what research is taking place. I guess I'll work on that this weekend when I'm not working on my peace studies essay (oy, five to six pages on how environmentalism affects global politics).

Civ 4: Monday!. Doom in movies today. I might see that. A movie based on a video game. Iiiiinteresting.

I finished watching 101 Reykjavik for the 2nd time tonight. This is a hilarious movie. Hlynur develops a crush on a (presumed) friend of his mother's. One night, they end up sleeping together. Later, he find out that she is not just her mother's friend... but also lover. Sleeping with your mother's girlfriend? Yes. It's a very interesting movie. That's only a part of the plot. Hlynur is what many people might consider a "loser." He lives at home with his mom- at age 30. He's not in school. He has no job. He lives off welfare, where he somehow managed to claim 75% disability- even though he's not.

I think he's potentially a hero to me- not a hero... but a role model in some senese. Not for any of the above reasons, however. It's this one scene at the beginning that makes me happy.

Lola: So, Hlynur, what do you do?
Hlynur: Me?
Lola: You.
Hlynur: Nothing.
Lola: Nothing?
Hlynur: (pause) Yeah.
Lola: What kind of nothing?
Hlynur: (pause) The nothing kind of nothing.

Hlynur basically has no ambition in life. He doesn't want to get a job. As a result, he's still living with his mother at age 30- and is unemployed, giving no real thought to what he wants to do. I almost see myself in that situation (albeit at age 21 instead of 30. I'm just advanced for my age). Currently, I have no ambition- there's not really much I can think of that I want to do. I'm almost tempted to say I don't want to do anything. I'm not sure. Then again, I get bored easily- so I'd want to do something to keep me busy. Such things I must think about.

Back to the movie. It's a hilarious, but probably dark movie. It might be a little awkward for some, since Hlynur is not someone most people would find admirable. As a main character, that can be difficult to tolerate. If you can't sympathize with the star, understand him, or relate to, a movie can be difficult to sit through. For me, it wasn't that difficult. I guess I actually understood him--- somewhat. He's still not all that admirable, though. If you watch the movie, you can find some of the scenes where he's not such a nice guy.

Reviews at:
RottenTomatoes
IMDb

I wanted to include this in my last post, but that post was too long with the graduate school stuff. This really is a different topic, so I'm putting it in a new entry. Sorry for cluttering up anyone's friends list.

Why I want to teach
( Why? WHY? Why oh why would I ever want to be a teacher? )

This week, however, I realized that social studies isn't a high demand area for teaching, which makes me a bit fearful for going into the area. Sure, I probably could find a job, but it might take some time to do and much work searching around.

Instead of worrying about a job sooner, I figure I could just go to grad school and delay my job hunting for yet another few years. Pretty soon, I probably will become overeducated and unemployable (that's probably my most overused phrase. I just like saying that).

Today there was a graduate school fair at the student union. I talked with many schools- three of which I feel good about. By this, I mean they have a good geography program... or at least the recruiters made it seem that way. Penn State, Texas A&M, and the University of Wisconsin Madison were the three I liked. Other schools I talked with either didn't have much of a geography program at all, or couldn't tell me much at the time. Not a big deal. I just filled out a form for more information.

( My analysis of the schools )

Ranking of schools I'm thinking of going to:
-UAF [northern studies]
-U Wisconsin- Madison
-UAS or that school in Colorado Springs I can't think of at the moment [education]
-Penn State or Texas A&M.

Hmm... maybe I should think about local schools... like... NMSU, where I already know all the faculty... and am currently attending? *ponder*

This year is going to... *ahem* fun. My mom was talking with me about how I should meet with the people in the career office at my university, so I'll be kept informed about when job fairs come up. I'm really bad about job fairs. I don't know how to "connect" with the people there- very little idea of what to say. I have that problem a lot- even when I was in band, and was hanging out with a group of people, I had trouble coming up with stuff to talk about. There are only a few people I don't have this problem with. Everyone else- including friends of friends who I've known for a few years (so, granted, they should be my friedns, too)- I just can't seem to come up conversation. Things tend to be quiet and it makes me feel uncomfortable, so I leave. I guess I'm just an "awkward" individual in that respect.

( So I went into a bit of a rant...(ie, long post) )

Today I was at the mall. I caved in and bought a really nifty humidifer/mister thing called a Mist of Dreams. It flashes different colors, varying between red/pink, blue, and purple. The model I got has a nice waterfall sound to it, but I could have gotten a more quiet one. I just thought the waterfall sound would be very soothing. It is.

This made me think that when I do move out, if possible, I'd like to get a 2-bedroom apartment. That way, I can set up one room as a "quiet" room. I'll keep it very simple- a desk so that I can write or study, this Mist of Dreams, and perhaps other nature-oriented things [many plants?] so I can have a peaceful area to relax and perhaps meditate in. It sounds idealistic, but it's probably not practical. Due to budget, a second bedroom might be too much... or due to lack of space, I might have to use the room for other things as well. It's a nice idea, though.

Currently, I'm set up to be a linguistics minor. I did this because it seems like it'd be fun. I seem to have picked up an interest in language, despite being too lazy to actually become fluent in a second language. I'm familiar [can speak some, can understand some, have some grasp of the structure] with Iñupiaq, Esperanto, and American Sign Language.

I've thought about being an astronomy minor for some time, as well. I was leaning away from it- as I haven't had any physics classes to prep myself for the required astrophysics. Ever since I went camping a few weeks ago, and had the dream about the solar system, I've been reconsidering it. To help with thoughts of changing to an astronomy minor, tonight I found myself researching star types. I even have had the tv off. I've actually been... *gasp* learning.

Ultimately, however, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I really mean no idea. The future just seems like a blank wall that I'm staring right into. What's worse is that I'm headed right for.