This morning, I was laying in bed, thinking about my most recent dream.  In it, I was in the military.  I can vaguely remember quite a few scenes of being on a bus, and going into another building.  While this was all happening, I generally was being very non-social (to a rather extreme level).  Later on, I was assigned to pilot an aircraft with one other person, except it didn't go too well.  We ended up landing on top of a high mesa that had steep cliffs all the way around (although there was a road leading up there).  There was also another small aircraft that somehow ended up there (possibly in pursuit of my plane).  I (who was just in training) and my co-pilot (possibly a more experienced pilot- who knew that this mission would turn out wrong, just not quite as threatening to our lives) would take the other three people off the mesa and fly back to the base.

From this, I started thinking about the meanings of dreams.  I'm sure I've posted about this before.  Every once in a while, for a really nifty dream I have, or if something stands out in an odd way, I'll go to a dream dictionary for interpretation.  I don't usually believe so much in what they suggest, though.  It's more of a fun thing, like horoscopes.  For me, it wouldn't make sense to gather much meaning by looking in dream dictionaries.  I generally take things more literally.  If there is some significance to a dream that my subconscious mind is trying to alert to my conscious mind, it would make no sense to do it in a way I could not (or would not) interpret.  I don't necessarily think my dreams would, or should, be taken exactly literal, however.  Otherwise, I should have superpowers, flying around in aircrafts, and going through the stargate (where I know Daniel Jackson, of course).  That sounds like an exciting life, but not all that real (of course not, they're all from dreams).  I think more than anything, dreams give a broad picture of something going on in life- not to the extent that a dream dictionary might suggest (saying, for example, if you dream of a certain food, that it means this or that- and if it's prepared in such a way, it obviously means something different).  I guess I do see some meaning in dreams, but very losely applied rather than finding meaning in every particular aspect of the dream- more specifically, what I do and how I react to situations are more important than objects in the dream or scenarios I'm placed in.  Instead of finding meaning that I dream about a stargate- and thinking what a stargate might represent, I should look at what I'm doing in the dream.  In most of my dreams, I'm usually helping people in some way.  I often dream about being a superhero, where I'm preventing someone from taking over the world (which is odd, considering how often I play a civilization-style game). 

In another recent dream, I think there was flooding happening in the building I lived in.  I can't remember exactly what was going on.  I do remember a major focus point of the dream (or at least that I focused on remembering) was that I fell in love (I hate dreaming about love).  There are just a few aspects about the person I distinctly remember, such as his hair.  The big thing I remember about this dream is that I wanted to help him.  I was having trouble with certain things of my life, and he was around my apartment building frequently- so I naturally came to him for help with things I couldn't do well myself (mechanical stuff, mostly).  Later on in the dream, it turned out he was having a hard time with his career.  He wanted to essentially be a handy-man.  For the time being, he just wanted to get practice (which is why he was always so eager to help me- I would let an uncertified guy with little background and/or knowledge get hands-on experience... and it didn't cost me anything, because I never paid him).  I worked with him on creating a "business plan" (so to speak- because we were trying to keep this in the informal economy as much as possible for legal and tax purposes).  By the end of the dream, he was telling me how good I was at organization (and some other things I don't remember now).

I would probably apply fairly literal intereptations to this dream.  It's like my subconcious mind was telling me I wasn't getting it and made it very obvious to me, by having someone literally telling me something.  In this case, it was telling me something I had already figured out: I'm not necessarily very handy, but I am good with a lot of "mental" things- such as organization.  Correction: when it comes to dealing with other people, I am.  Dealing with my own organization (such as cleaning up my room, figuring out what I actually want to do with my life), I'm doomed.  Helping others in this regard is so much easier.

I still like another idea about dreams I've had, but it's a bit "out there:"  Dreams are really a vision of our selves in other dimensions.  Extreme, yes.  It is a fun thought, though- that in some universe or dimension, I'm out there with the ability to fly (with superhuman ability, and with my own ability as a pilot), and that stargates exist, and that I seem to kick ass whereever I go (I seem to help lots of people- and am generally not the bad guy).  Fun thought, but insanely improbable (I think I'll emphasize the "insanely" a bit more: INSANELY). 

Oh, or dreams could just be the firing of random neurons in our brains as we sleep, and then developed into images that our concious minds can understand to make sense of the random neurons.  Then each image is connected with a previous image because the mind really likes to connect things together like that.  This also might explain why dreams seem scattered, why we're doing one thing in one scene and then something else in another.

I keep thinking what animals think about humans. I mean, we humans do some pretty crazy things- or at least I think that'd be their perspective. I wonder how they perceive our technology- lights, cars (well, many are afraid of cars- with good reason, too), computers, tv, radio... we have all this weird stuff that if you weren't human, it'd be very confusing. A voice coming out of a box? That box they seem to sit around all day. Do they understand the concept of a tool? Other primates I'm sure can understand- since they also use tools... but do dogs and cats "get" that concept?

Also, I was wondering why we didn't domesticate other great apes, since they're more like us. I think that's the reason we didn't (or couldn't). They're intelligent (well, the intelligent ones are) and can use tools. Maybe not such a good idea to train them. Plus, having a chimpanzee or bonobo do "dog-like tricks" and other work would almost be degrading, since they're very close to humans. Why not have other humans do that? Okay, I guess there was that slavery... so, humans can apparently domestic higher forms of life, but eventually that turned out not so well with the realization that people should be free. Would that happen if we domesticated chimps? Would we see them as being close enough to human that we'd sympathize with them?

That's enough random babble. It's too early. I'm going to get ready for my geocaching trip. There's a geocaching event nearby (within a few hours), so I'm going with my dad and jacyl. *yawn* It should be fun, though. I'll actually get to meet other geocachers and possibly get to share some of my (legal) stories with them.

Last night, I watched "Crumbs" on ABC. In this episode, the main character Mitch is dating a guy who won't date him unless he comes out to his parents. At the end of the episode, Mitch's friend says something about how he should come out so he doesn't end up alone. I don't understand this big desire to not be alone. I mean, I can understand being with someone... well, maybe... but is it that much of a problem to be alone? What's so wrong with it? Oh well. That's people- most people, anyway.

I admit it. I'm a fan of Lost. I'm trying out Blockbuster Online and put the first two discs of the show in my queue. I got them this past week and have watched the first 8 episodes. I like the show. I'm just anxious to find out a few things that will have to wait until I get more discs.


It made me think, though- what would it be like if I were on the island? Maybe not that island- but if i was somehow "lost" on an island, what would it be like? What would my "role" be? I don't know if I'd see myself taking a leadership role, as I'm usually pretty laidback and generally just "go" with whatever's happening (unless it's something I really wouldn't like to have any part in- I don't follow blindly). I think I'd probably be most concerned about mapping the island- figuring out where resources are and how they can be used... knowing where it's safe and where it's not. With some of what I've learned in my map use and analysis class, I could probably drawn out a fairly accurate map. Before I set out on accurately mapping the island, I'd want to just make a very crude map- to serve as a general reference. Then, after realizing that I'm stuck on the island for possibly many years, I'd start on a detailed map as a little project to keep my sanity.

Could it be that the purpose of life is to try to find the balance? That balance could be between work and leisure, between now and the future, responsibility and fun, or maybe enjoying life and preserving it. For example, if I wanted to travel now (see last post), I'd have to use money I'm saving for the future. I could use the money now and enjoy life now, or I could save that money for after I graduate and use it to move, pay rent, buy food, or if that's all taken care of, then travel- ie, I'd be preserving life for the future in that sense. It'd be more responsible, but there's no guarantee then that I'd be able to actually use that money (if I should suddenly die). Of course, on the contrary, if I use the money now and travel, there's no guarantee I will die- so I might actually need the money in the future.
( Another example )
Back to my point- maybe that is the purpose of life- to find that balance... to be able to say that I enjoyed life and had fun, but also thought of the future and how to get there safely (while still having fun).

I remembered (I think) what I wanted to write about. I hope this was the topic. The other day in the paper, someone complained about how an obituary was written in Spanish because it's a (primarily) English newspaper. That got me thinking about my obituary. I'd like mine to be written in at least two languages. Right now, I'm thinking they'd be in English and the language I'm creating. Space and money pending, it'd be nice to see it (well, I probably wouldn't "see" it as I'd be dead) it in Esperanto and Iñupiaq as well.

( What type of person I try to be )

Okay, this is getting long. I think I've made my point/s... or lack thereof. I need to do this homework for my Saturday morning class that's in an hour. Yeehaw.

I saw Doom today. I usually don't make an effort to see action movies because I get disoriented and lost in them easily (lots of quick movements, it's often dark, and characters look alike to me- especially with the quick movements... so I can't tell what's going on or to who it's happening to).

If you want to see a scary movie, Doom is not it. If you want to see a movie with a good plot, Doom is not it. If you want to see lots of stuff being blown up--- well, yeah. Doom has that. That's about the only thing it does have. Okay, it does have a plot, but it seems a bit confusing and doesn't make much sense if you think about it. So don't expect to think with this movie. One of the big draws of the movie I guess was supposed to the the first person shooter scene. That's kind of cool... but also not scary. The people behind me were laughing. It was actually funny (but not meant to be funny... or was it?)

Although this probably wasn't the point of the movie, a certain issue is brought up: how strict should soldiers follow orders? Are soldiers there just to do a purpose assigned to them from higher up in the command... or if an order is absurd, should that soldier not do it? Is it the job of the soldier to follow orders strictly and not question command... or is there a critical point when questioning command is okay- ie, if you think your commander has totally gone nuts.

I was going through my archived entries (which is actually very fun to do- it's interesting to see how I've changed in thought and ideas) and I came across this entry, where I admit I've been "stalking" people- in the sense that I was looking up people on LiveJournal in my area and reading their journal.

I know am thinking- what is the definition of stalking? Is there a clear definition- or is it one of those "fuzzy gray area" things? Purposely following someone home would probably be considered stalking, partifularly if it put the person being followed in some kind of danger or unwanted (romantic) situation. I think the keyword is "unwanted." Obviously, if it's a friend following someone home... well... that doesn't sound much better. I suppose intent is also part of it. Well, if a true friend- not necessarily someone with weird, alternative motives- was to follow a person home, would that be stalking? Perhaps in the definition of the word, but in a legal/worrisome manner, it'd probably be overlooked because of the "friend" aspect. Hmm...

Cam a person be stalked online? What would this entail, though? Would it include searching a person's name in an online directory or network site- Facebook or MySpace, for instance? Is finding someone's number in a phone book stalking? I suppose it goes back to intent. If I looked up s0rr0w online, it probably wouldn't be considered stalking since we're friends (and she is the mother of Alex, a genderless child that... well, nevermind... that adds complications to things).

With the amount of information on the internet, defining "stalking" becomes more difficult. Looking up someone's name and even contact information in some directory or networking site might be considered stalking- but then again, they exist for that very reason--- so you can put out that information... so that others can find you.

Isn't it weird that most people don't usually stop to think about life until the very end, when it's (almost) too late? It seems very easy to get wrapped up in things to forgot about the most important things in life. Is what you're doing right now the last thing you'd want to be doing? Have you said what you've wanted to say someone? Have you achieved what you wanted in order to be satisfied that you lived a "good" (and fulfilling life)?

I've been thinking of these things lately... no real reason (do I ever have a reason for doing things?), but I like thinking about things like this. I'd like to think I have no regrets. That doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, but I'd like to go away from a situation thinking I've done all I can do. That's my goal anyway. I'm working on it. Amazingly enough, I think my kilt's to blame for this change of "attitude." Wearing a kilt is comfortable. To wear it all the time might mean defying tradition of wearing pants. It might mean having to deal with people. Did I mention that it's comfortable to wear a kilt, though? In order to do that, I have to learn humility. Humility is one of the most difficult things to learn- it's usually not so fun if we're picked on or laughed at. It happens, though. Over the past few years, I've been trying to relax myself into accepting things as they are. Usually people only pick on those who react, anyway. If I don't react, or react the way they want, they get bored.

Oh, right. Sidetracked. Point of this post: life could come to an end at any given moment. Sure, there are probabilities involved- so you probably won't get hit by a car walking across the street, but that probability is only a chance- an estimate of what might happen. It is not certainty. Why not try to make the most of your time, as best you can, while living your life? That's not to say stop whatever you're doing and just go nuts (although that would be fun). Responsibility (sadly) is apart of life as well... err.. in a way. I guess no one really needs to take that 48-hour shift job at the Kwik-E-Mart... but it is something that society has created. It's still out there, though. Post getting too long and now I'm getting confused in my own thoughts (which is a good thing! Thoughts should be confusing).

I woke up after a cute (possibly disturbing dream) where after rescuing some escaped pig, he gives me a kiss. Why is that disturbing? I am a meat eater. After I had this dream, I spent the next 20-30 minutes thinking about what I would I actually write.

( Meat talk... plant think? )

My thoughts about eating meat are still complicated. Like most other issues I think about, it's all very complex and confused in my head. In the future, it's very likely I'll change my mind... but this is how I feel now (at least at the time of writing).

"So, do they give you morphine or do you have to ask for it?" -Jaye Tyler

Last night, I was with two of my best friends from middle school. It seemed the overall consenus was that nothing's seemed to have changed. Could that really be? Did we all remain the "same?"

While I can't speak for the others, I can almost be certain I've changed. I went up to Alaska. That opened up a lot of new experiences for me. I was essentially on my own (Okay, I was living in the dorms, but I was at least away from my family) and in a new place. How could I not change? Even just sitting in my room this summer, watching tv and spending hours browsing through LiveJournal and other websites, I am changing. Essentially, anything I read influences me- even if I "choose" to ignore it. I've still read the information/story/writing, so it has (even in a minute way).

Despite the inevitable change that anything and everything presses on me, is there a part of me that is the "same?" Perhaps there's some part of us that does remain constant- keeping us who we actually are. Perhaps there is a "personality type" that makes us constant. My knowledge and views on the world might change, but I might still react in the same manner to certain things... or act a certain way... or speak in the same manner. Does that mean I haven't changed?

Today, a friend (mtails) and I were discussing gender-neutral pronouns (instead of "he" or "she") that can be used in English. It's something I had thought about in the past, especially when I write essays [and find it awkward to avoid writing "he or she"]. It didn't occur to me, however, until today what some ways to achieve this are. I thought about creating my own gender-neutral pronoun (GNP), but our conversation today helped with that.

( Gender-Neutral Pronouns )

I think if I come across a person who doesn't contradict him/herself and isn't a total hypocrite, I will run. I will run far away from that person. I think life is supposed to be hypocritical. It is supposed to contradict itself--- or at least as we understand it. Perahaps there is some "truth" out there- some established law in which the universe and everything in it works... but we as humans just won't get it. For us, life is too complex. There's too much out there to fully grasp and understand. Perhaps some day... but--- take religion, for example. There's just so much to it.

Hmm... I wasn't quite done with what I had to say, but I think I've lost my motivation now. Summary: life = complex. *nods* *lets his mind wander off into space*

Edit: I do include myself in with everyone else. I have no doubt that I contradict myself and am a hypocrite. It's a part of life.

There's a lot of talk lately about Africa. Truthfully, I don't see any project doing much good. The problems with Africa are complex and don't all stem from the continent at all. Part of the problem is from the United States and Europe.

The US and Europe are known for subsidizing agricultural products. This might be good for American and European farmers- they stay in business and provide a surplus of food at lower costs to sell (but the government pays the extra money to keep prices high). What's done with this surplus? It's dumped into the African markets. African farmers then cannot compete. Without this foundation of agriculture, it's difficult to get the economy to start (unless there's accessible natural resources).

That's not the only problem, though. Many civil wars and corrupt governments keep stealing money, keeping the population poor. Even if the governments claim to fight corruption now, they'll do it for a little while- enough to get aid from the Western countries. Eventually, corruption will begin again... the West will get on the governments to fix everything. Things will start to be cleaned up... and the cycle begins again.

Ah. The joys of really complex situations. *blink*

Why is it that we still participate in "Daylight Saving?" It's supposed to help cutdown on the energy we use by shifting our lives to better match when we're awake and active to the amount of sunlight. If the sun matches are activity level, then I guess we'll be tempted to not use lights so much, open doors to allow heat, yadda yadda yadda. Problems with Daylight Saving---- well, there's a bunch of them. The first is the psychological problems everyone goes through in adjusting to the new time. It does horrible things to a person. Right now, I feel tired. It's probably because I woke up at what would have been an hour earlier than what I normally would have. Many people already do not get enough sleep. I think this just furture causes problems. It's also not a good idea to just arbitrarily change a person's biological rhythm, if you will. Other things that are problematic- Daylight Saving is bad for farmers, or anyone who works with animals. Sure, humans use Daylight Savings- animals do not. This is definately a problem. Animals that are used to being fed at a certain time are now being fed an hour earlier from their perspective. This is, apparently, why a state like Indiana does not follow Daylight Saving. Another thing to think about is the use of air conditioners. Despite initial effort to reduce energy, most places now have air conditioning or something similar that controls the indoor temperature. Daylight Saving might not actually be of much help at the original intentions.... or maybe I just don't quite understand the concept of why we do it... or maybe I'm just tired and need more sleep.